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A Profane Neato Signature XV Review
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Welcome to the fucking future. Meet Consuela. She’s a robot vacuum, and not from the company you’d expect. Neato Signature XV vs. iRobot Roomba First of all, every model of the iRobot Roomba is round, making corners fairly difficult. Not a problem with any model of Neato: Look at her kiss those fucking corners! Second of all, we have a lot of high pile carpet throughout...

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Jiggle Naked with a Bluetooth Shower Speaker
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Showering has never been this much fun. Well, there’s that one thing, but… DAMMIT IT’S MUSIC IN YOUR SHOWER. This One’s Pretty Straightforward I highly, highly recommend buying one of these guys. I put it off for several months and finally gave in. Instant jump in shower quality-of-life. A speaker with a suction cup on the back of it that sticks to glass and tile surfaces...

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McFuckin’ Tasty Breakfast Sandwich Maker
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Get Your Shit Together Bro (and Broette) Stop putting that unhealthy as fuck mystery meat in your body, and buy one of these tiny bitches. If you only use it 10 times, it’s paid for itself. It’s all pretty self explanatory, but here’s how it works:   Plug that Shit In A little red light will come on to let you know it’s heating...

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Confusing-As-Fuck “Miracle Tablets”
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Think you know what things taste like? THE FUCK YOU DO. Today I’m going to recap what I will affectionately refer to from this moment forward as “the Miracle Berry mindfuck”. A friend suggested them when they saw this site and I thought there was no way this experience could be worth the $14 I paid for them, but boy was I wrong. I prepared...

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A Flag Light Our Founding Fathers Would Be Proud Of
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Do you have a flagpole on or in front of your house? If so, you need this fucking solar-powered flag light to take your patriotism to a whole new level. What It Looks Like During the Daytime Nothing noticeable really, it just looks like a tiny UFO has landed on your flagpole. What It Looks Like at Night Sorry for the blurriness, the wind...

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A Classy-as-Fuck Pet Prison
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When my wife and I moved into our beautiful new home, we didn’t want the shitty plastic dog kennel we were using to move with us. Besides that, we were moving the kennel into my home office so our three dogs could hang around while I was working, and I didn’t want some piece-of-shit kennel messing up my Feng Shui. So we bought this...

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